September 2nd, 2011 | No Comments »
This won’t come as a news flash to most women, but men are programmed for sex. They’re simply made with a high sex drive, just as we for the most part are programmed to be the nurturers. In other words, we’re not likely to hear our man say, “Not tonight—I’ve got a headache.”
So, what does this mean? First of all, we shouldn’t fight nature—after all, testosterone is a mighty substance! The differences are clear from the start, when little boys for the most part prefer noisy, active play, and little girls are content to play quietly with their dolls. There are always exceptions to every rule—and sure enough there are plenty of couples where she is wondering why he doesn’t want as much action as she does.
When it comes to a loving relationship, though, men and women value things in different ways: you might feel a surge of love when he makes dinner or takes out the trash, but he feels it when you make love to him. Men feel loved when we show them physically how much we care—it’s very straightforward. It’s how they’re made, and relationships go most smoothly when we work with the facts rather than try to get around them.
The bottom line is you love your man as he is, just as you want him to love you as you are. For the most honest and rewarding relationship, you must embrace him as he is, high sex drive and all. He needs sex to sustain the love between you, just as you need him to meet needs in other ways. Loving couples work to understand that about each other, with full respect and effort going both ways: you’re aware of each other’s needs and desires, but you’re both also aware of the limits.
I want to stress again that I’m not saying you need to give him more sex than is comfortable for you. It just means knowing and understanding the importance of sex to him, and being open-minded to the natural differences (in general) in the male and female libido. Lovemaking is a mutual activity, and it’s no fun if both partners aren’t willing. But then, his need for sex is not just about intercourse: your man may feel the need to masturbate at least once a day. With the typical biological make-up of a man, that’s completely normal, although some women may find it surprising and not easy to adjust to.
July 31st, 2011 | 31 Comments »
Ah, the honeymoon: Your marriage has just begun, and this is your chance to start it off with a bang while having the time of your life—day and night. Think “shock and awe”: shock him with your imagination, and then awe him with your technique. While it may be a challenge to really shock him (after all, it’s your honeymoon, and he knows he’s in for sex, sex, and MORE sex), you can make sure to awe him every day and night during your first days as a married couple.
So, what can you do that isn’t already in your repertoire? Chances are the two of you have been enjoying some fine lovemaking for quite a while leading up to the wedding. In this case, you may need to reach a bit farther into your bedroom bag of tricks to come up with something outside of your tried-and-true techniques. The goal is to make those honeymoon nights as memorable as possible. Here are some ideas:
Positions: What better time to break out a few new positions than your wedding vacation? There’s no need to bring along a copy of Kama Sutra—just check the Internet for some great ideas on positions to try for various goals, such as ensuring he hits your G-spot with every thrust. Try some different face-to-face positions to maximize intimacy, which is so important in your marriage.
Places: Everyone knows there’s something special about hotel sex, but even more so on your honeymoon! Especially if you’re staying somewhere with serious seclusion, you can amp up the pleasure factor by doing it somewhere other than the bedroom. If you’re lucky enough to have a villa with a very private balcony, a cabin with a hot tub, or even an island of your own, you’re on your way to romantic heights you’ll never forget. Doing it outside can be the greatest turn-on, but before you do, be sure you have absolute privacy, out of respect for others who might happen by.
Accessories: Sure, you two are madly in love and all you really need is each other’s bodies, but even honeymooners get tired—very tired, in fact! It can be wonderful to let a toy take over some of the effort while you rest up for more action later. If you haven’t used vibrators and the like in your lovemaking before, this is the perfect time to introduce them. Or maybe ordinary vibrators are old hat in your bedroom, but a mischievous friend gave you an elaborate new device as a bachelorette party gift that you’ve yet to show to your man. Pack it for the trip, and break it out of the suitcase when you feel he’s ready for just a little change.
Once the vacation’s over and you’re back to the daily grind, don’t forget to keep up the bump-and-grind! And while doing that daily may be an unrealistic plan even for newlyweds, make the effort to keep lovemaking in the forefront. Honoring sex and using it to strengthen your bond as a couple will pay dividends and ensure your marriage is a long and satisfying one.
July 31st, 2011 | 85 Comments »
This won’t come as a news flash to most women, but men are programmed for sex. They’re simply made with a high sex drive, just as we for the most part are programmed to be the nurturers. In other words, we’re not likely to hear our man say, “Not tonight—I’ve got a headache.”
So, what does this mean? First of all, we shouldn’t fight nature—after all, testosterone is a mighty substance! The differences are clear from the start, when little boys for the most part prefer noisy, active play, and little girls are content to play quietly with their dolls. There are always exceptions to every rule—and sure enough there are plenty of couples where she is wondering why he doesn’t want as much action as she does.
When it comes to a loving relationship, though, men and women value things in different ways: you might feel a surge of love when he makes dinner or takes out the trash, but he feels it when you make love to him. Men feel loved when we show them physically how much we care—it’s very straightforward. It’s how they’re made, and relationships go most smoothly when we work with the facts rather than try to get around them.
The bottom line is you love your man as he is, just as you want him to love you as you are. For the most honest and rewarding relationship, you must embrace him as he is, high sex drive and all. He needs sex to sustain the love between you, just as you need him to meet needs in other ways. Loving couples work to understand that about each other, with full respect and effort going both ways: you’re aware of each other’s needs and desires, but you’re both also aware of the limits.
I want to stress again that I’m not saying you need to give him more sex than is comfortable for you. It just means knowing and understanding the importance of sex to him, and being open-minded to the natural differences (in general) in the male and female libido. Lovemaking is a mutual activity, and it’s no fun if both partners aren’t willing. But then, his need for sex is not just about intercourse: your man may feel the need to masturbate at least once a day. With the typical biological make-up of a man, that’s completely normal, although some women may find it surprising and not easy to adjust to.
Yes, it can take some concentration on our part to see around the female perspective, which focuses on the emotional connection. Do you agree that your bond to your man grows when he meets the needs of your heart? Yet his programming is so tuned to his physical needs that he feels that bond when you meet the needs of his body, when you satisfy his sex drive. We may not always like it this way, but again: it’s nature, and we can’t (and shouldn’t try to) fight it. After all, it’s the differences between you that attract you to each other. Whether it’s his broad shoulders, his stubble, or his deep voice that makes you go wild, they all stem from the same source: his wonderful maleness. By appreciating it and honoring it in a situation of deep mutual respect and caring, you both build love within a lasting and meaningful relationship.
January 10th, 2011 | 71 Comments »
Velvet is just one of those materials that everyone loves to touch. It plays so many roles, from the innocence of a baby’s stuffed toy to the richness of a vintage luxury car’s upholstery. I have some favorite throw pillows beautifully covered in dark velvet that looks as wonderful as it feels. But lately I thought of another way to appreciate this sensuous material—by using it in the bedroom.
Think about how this royal fabric will make your man feel like a king when it touches his most sensitive skin. Wow! That’s why I suggested to my clothing designer that we turn to velvet for our very special line of tuxedo outfits.
I’ve seen my husband collapse in bliss when I caress him with the rich, cotton velvet. Your man will do the same—believe me—and he’ll look like royalty with his member dressed to the nines in its very own tuxedo. He already loves the way you touch him, but the silky fibers make it even better. You can use a light touch or even get a little rough, and it all feels so good.
Last week my friends and I had one of our famous Girls’ Night Out get-togethers and everyone had so much fun talking about ideas for giving her guy a memorable Valentine’s night. The plan that got the most giggles all around was this: Hide the gift-wrapped tux in the car before you go out for that romantic dinner. Then when you leave the restaurant and get back into the car to head home for the real “main course,” hand him the package before he starts the engine. He’ll open it—and you can bet that’ll get his engine purring! He’ll want to take every shortcut for the quickest route to the bedroom. And then it’s up to you to put your special touch on the evening.
These hand-washable tuxedos are made of special cotton velvet that truly feels like silk. It’s twice as soft—and twice as irresistible, to both of you!
December 31st, 2010 | 172 Comments »
Within every relationship there are needs and desires. Many of these desires are actually need-based. Without them the relationship is doomed. One of the most major factors of a relationship is sex. Of course sex isn’t everything and it can be said that it is not the most important aspect. But to completely ignore its importance in maintaining a strong healthy relationship can cause long-lasting disastrous effects.
It needs to be said, that men and women are different. While we are both equal to one another, often times are our responses and thoughts are complete poles apart. There is little wonder why there is a billion dollar industry in trying to understand a man’s wants and needs. Plenty say that men are easy to understand, but are still perturbed by a man’s words and actions. Could it be that maybe we as women don’t really understand men at all? Yes a man is basic in what he needs, yet if you don’t understand the emotions behind the needs, then you have missed the boat completely.
First we can talk about the biological set-up in men. Men are jammed packed with testosterone; this high level of testosterone is what makes them hunters and providers. It gives them the deeper voice, Adam’s apple, facial hair and other characteristics that make men, men. Testosterone also plays a huge part in a man’s libido. Personal opinions aside, men are simply made to have a large sexual appetite. If they didn’t, babies wouldn’t be born and I think it would be safe to say you would have a lot of irritated and unsatisfied women walking around. It’s in their DNA and there is nothing that can be done to change that.
Now sliding away from science and looking at it from an emotional standpoint, you see a much bigger picture. When you look at through a man’s eyes you begin to see why guys place so much importance to sex. Believe or not, it isn’t merely physical. The physical element is certainly there, but the role of sex in a relationship actually taps into the man’s psyche and soul. I think if we as women can look at with emotional lenses, we can be much more understanding and sympathetic to our man’s needs.
Men like to put on this role of being strong, confident and not falling prey to silly things like emotions. Well that’s only partly true. Yes men are strong, confident and are much more logical than they are emotional – yet beneath all the hard exterior is someone who feels emotions very strongly and their feelings get hurt more than we realized. Unfortunately men don’t have the same emotional outlets that we women do. We can call female friends and family members to cry, gripe and just about anything in between. We don’t have the burden of holding all in to appear cool, calm and collected to the world. For men, the only ones they can really go to when the going it gets hard – are their women.
For men the world can be a lonely place. To where has to go out work hard, provide and be the head of the household. Men are built to be leaders and they do it well. Yet to be leader doesn’t compute to never needing anyone, quite the contrary. It has been proven that men who are without partners are more likely to commit suicide than those who have a loving relationship with a woman. Also men who are single tend to die at a younger age than those who are married. To say that men need women is an understatement.
So then that brings us back to the subject of sex in a relationship and why it is so important a man. For women there are not many free moments in our day. There is always something for us to do and it seems that everything we do, we do for someone else. So sometimes when a man is in the mood for physical intimacy, women are simply not in the mood to play. Definitely understandable, but men see it as rejection. It makes him feel extremely hurt and vulnerable to express desire for you, only to be told “Not now.” Men don’t take it as a rejection of sex, but a rejection of themselves; as though you don’t see them as desirable.
When a woman gives her man the sex he needs and craves, it makes him feel loved and wanted. Once again, there is more than just the physical element at play. In a world that can be cruel, that demands a strong persona – the only comfort and safety to be completely vulnerable lies with a woman. A relationship is more than just sex, but it is the act of sex that shines light to all the other beautiful qualities such as love, trust and respect. Sex also gives men the confidence they need to go out and face the brave world. It is in the act of sex to where man and woman can be true masculine and feminine entities in the most primal way.
If a man is not getting his physical requirements met, then there will be problems. Often times you will hear about a man who found solace in another woman’s arms because she gave him the feeling of being wanted and needed. She made him feel like a man again. That is not to excuse or make justifications for cheating, but when you understand how sex ties into his emotional well-being, you can see it in a different light. When not having sex with his partner, a man will become depressed. His confidence falls, he withdrawals and then you may begin to see outbursts of anger.
That’s not to say that every time your partner wants sex you give in. Sometimes the timing isn’t right. But if you make sure to make sex a priority and comfort him with assuring words, it can take the sting out of, “Not tonight, honey.” There are many things you can do to keep the sex life active and exciting. It doesn’t matter how long you two have been together, there is always something new you both can bring to the table or the bed. It takes to two to make a relationship work. The more one gives, the more the other will give in return. That’s the beauty of love.